Finding a soulmate and falling in love with him/her seems like a blessing, isn’t it? But you feel shattered deep inside when you find out that you are unable to have an enjoyable sex life. Well, one of the pleasures that newly married couples look forward to is a happy and satisfying sexual life. But the failure to achieve this satisfaction gets worse when you are unable to have intercourse with the love of your life. This not only results in more frustration and downfall in marriage but even takes you to the verge of parting ways with your partner.
As we have already talked about the different problems of Unconsummated Marriage in our first series, we had promised you to be back with solutions to come out from the effects and issues of it and lead a happily married life.
(However, if you have missed the 1st part of UM, click here to get a gist about an Unconsummated Marriage)
This is one of the reasons couples find it awkward and difficult at the same time to indulge in sexual intimacy which is also the case on their first night.
- A way to deal with such awkward situations is to go slow and steady by trying to converse and share the feelings to fill the communication gap
- Also, it makes it even better by talking and educating each other about sex and intimacy
Problems like Erectile Dysfunction (ED), Premature Ejaculation (PE) and Performance Anxiety in a man, are a hindrance when he is about to indulge in intimate moments with his partner. Unhealthy eating lifestyle is also one of the key reasons due to which men have to deal with ED and PE.
- For erectile dysfunction - Foods that are rich with all the nutrients help in getting rid of erectile dysfunction, for e.g. nitrates in leafy greens and beets, flavonoids in dark chocolate, protein in pistachios, antioxidants in watermelon, lycopene in tomatoes and pink grapefruit, zinc in oysters and shellfish. While these are the nutrient food items which will help the regularise blood flow into the penis, other foods that are good for your blood circulation include cranberries, apples, peanuts, onions, tea, and red wine
- For premature ejaculation - Foods that are rich in zinc and magnesium may help in increasing the time it takes you to the climax, for e.g. green onion, ashwagandha, garlic, asparagus, ladyfinger, ginger, and honey. Other foods to avoid PE are Oysters, pumpkin seeds, soybean, yogurt, spinach, wheat germ cereals, almonds, kidney beans, chickpeas, sesame seeds, beef and lamb, dark chocolate and peas
- Reducing stress, indulging in regular yoga and meditation will also help you deal with your sexual problems
- Other ways to cope up: One can also intake supplements, available for both genders as following a Doctor’s advice. One can also opt for sprays, gels, and creams which help you in achieving an ‘erection’ and ‘delay’ the climax for better results.
- Psychological counseling for ED and PE is also a good way to come-over these issues
- Investing your time in pelvic floor exercises, climax control condoms, masturbating an hour or two before getting into sexual activity, focusing on sexual activity rather than direct intercourse will also slowly start changing the system of your body
Sexual Dysfunctions in Females
We spoke about them in Part 1 of this article - Small Vagina, Vaginismus, and Thick Vagina are major issues in females which makes them stay away from sex
- Small Vagina - One can opt for Water or Silicone-based Lubricants which will hydrate your dry intimate skin by giving it smooth and soft moisture to enjoy the intimacy without any pain or break. The proper use of lubrication and massage on and insides of the vagina will help the penis to glide-in super smooth. Apart from moisturizing your skin, the smooth and soft touch of the lubricants makes your lovemaking sessions painless and more enjoyable. It makes sure that you and your partner remember your intimate moment for a longer time.
- Vaginismus - If the cause is psychological, it may be treated using therapy, where you are helped to gradually overcome it, by using vaginal trainers and relaxation techniques. You will be given counseling or cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) if necessary. For tightened pelvic floor muscles, vaginal trainers like Dildos that are specially made in a penis-shape, come in different sizes and textures. This help not only for opening the tight muscles but also for self-pleasure. It helps in restoring the vaginal capacity and to expand its width and depth, to provide elasticity to the tissues. It gradually allows you to have a comfortable sexual activity.
- Thick Hymen - A way to treat your thick hymen and loosen it up a bit, a vibrator can work best on it. Various types of vibrators have different shapes and sizes and also have multiple vibration modes for sexual pleasure. However, if you are apprehensive to use the vibrator first, you can initially start using tampons or finger sleeves which will also help in pushing your thick hymen to gradually stretch and open it up a bit. Well, but do not forget to use a proper lubricant to massage over your vagina for smooth and enjoyable sex.
- People who also deal with lifestyle issues have to fight stress and fatigue which unfortunately makes them feel sleepy all day, some seek refuge in alcohol and smoking. One way to help to get away from it would be to reduce the alcohol and smoke intake. Create a smoke-free zone at home, use Nicotine Replacement Therapy (NRT). We recommend you to meditate and practice yoga every day before you start your day. It not only helps mentally but physically too to calm your body and senses down, getting a massage in the weekends or once a month is better too.
- Over Expectations - ften couples have over expectations from each other which later makes them fight over trust issues and priorities. Either of the couples expects 100% satisfaction from each other or are always in the race to reach the stage of intercourse, while the other partner likes to go slow. During such situations, it is better to understand your partner well by communicating and set small goals and expectations. This will not only make your partner feel happy and comfortable but will also build up more trust in the relationship.
Now that, we gave you the solutions that you can try to treat your unconsummated marriage slow and steady, it is also important for you to know that this issue is not a topic to be ashamed of, but it would be terrible if not worked over it together. You can always consult a sexpert, a relationship expert or a counselor to help you deal with your not so fun, active and exciting married life.
Lastly, we would like to know if these solutions have helped you or your soulmate in any way. You can let know your concerns or suggestions at ‘ASK OUR SEXPERT’ section on our home page. Till the time be on loop with us as we will be sharing the third part of the series real soon, on how to spice up your sexual life post working on the solutions.